They’re Fruit Flies, Not Gnats!

Sweet merciful mother of sandwiches, I have been sick like an idiot over this for over a decade and I’m finally mad enough to complain about it on the internet. Who else knows a bunch of mouth breathing o-zone sucklers that don’t know the difference between a gnat and a fruit fly? I know if you’re reading this, you’re far too intelligent to make this mistake. Let me show you the difference:

This is a gnat! You see it up there? It flies around your head in a swarm when you’re sweaty. They’re teeny tiny little pieces of garbage that annoy you in the summer when you’re trying to eat hot dogs and swim in the river until you cut your foot open on a rusty nail on the riverbed so you can go to the hospital, get it sewn up, and get a tetanus shot. Except they don’t really follow you out into the water, so that was a stupid thing to write there. I never said I was smart, I simply contend that people who don’t know the difference between fruit flies and gnats are even dumber than me, and here you go:

See this piece of garbage? It’s called a fruit fly. They’re larger than gnats, have different color eyes, and they’re completely different animals!!!! They go after rotten food (specifically fruit, I guess, but they seem to go after everything), have a lifespan of, like, 13 minutes, they multiply quickly, and they don’t attack your face in swarms – they leave you alone. No, they’re far too worried about that avocado you left on the counter overnight. You should have eaten it yesterday, you know that avocados are edible for 4 seconds before they turn into garbage. Anyway, I hope I’ve explained the difference properly.

Now please stop being dumb.